Boy this week has been an emotional roller coaster of the nth degree. Let's start with the weight. I had a huge stress-induced need to eat chocolate. So, I did. Usually, I can satisfy my cravings with a quick snack of pudding, but this time my body/mind wasn't having any of that. It wanted chocolate cake. So, I gave it to it. Twice. Then, we were lazy on cooking, so I ate way outside my number of points several days this week. But, it looks like I'm starting out well today. If I can manage to not gain all of these pounds back this week, then I should actually be making some good progress.

Work was insane. Which is probably why I had cravings and couldn't curb them. The air around the place has been different. And, I was feeling very much not included. I've been feeling this way for a long, long time, but until recently it hasn't stressed me out this much. I have actually been looking to see if there is anywhere else in the company I could go if my department got tired of me... Ridiculous, I know. Well, I know now. I'm being paranoid and I'm letting a couple of coworkers who are feeling that same paranoia enhance my paranoia. My job duties have changed/are changing once again. They have taken Associate Marketing from me. I have heard my boss say it's not a punishment to me, but I can't shake the thought that it is. I feel like a failure. And I'm doing everything I can to focus on not eating because of it. It's been a hard week for me and I don't really have any troubles to pin it to.

And of course all this stress leads me to wondering why I can't have babies. I'm getting older. I don't want to keep waiting. For the sake of my child (if I ever get to have one) and the sake of my own health. We're in a position now to have them. Quinn can be at home with them. If we squeeze out a few of our own vanities, we can definitely afford it. I feel emotionally strong enough. Everything is in the right place. But I can't get pregnant. 15-year-old girls can get knocked up and neglect their children. I just don't get why I'm not allowed. It's been almost three years. Only one pregnancy that didn't last long enough to even have a gender. A blip on the radar screen. Well, not even a blip on a radar screen.

My friend Tiffany had a procedure yesterday. They were looking for cervical cancer. That's a big deal. I couldn't help though, when she was talking, thinking to myself, you're preachingto the choir. I actually found a way to twist what she was feeling into being about me. I've become very selfish recently, thinking I'm important enough that all the decisions being made should have me as a consideration. When that's not the case at all. It's a big world with six billion people. Instead of feeling cheated when I'm not thought of, I should be grateful that I'm considered at all. Hmmm... maybe this could be my new outlook on life.

Name: Terese I.
Town: Oklahoma City, OK
Age: 31 years, 9 months and 7 days
Height: 67 1/2" ( 5' 7 1/2")
Weight: 223.4 lbs
Week: 6
Total Loss: 10 lbs, 4 oz.