IUI

Intrauterine Insemination. That's what we're doing now. Tonight, Quinn shot me with HCG to help induce ovulation and Friday I go in for an insemination procedure. This morning I got sort of good news from Dr. Haas... My follicle looks good and he is hopeful. We're going to be stretched pretty thin money wise, but if this works, it will be more than worth it! I'm so excited! It'll be hard to wait two whole weeks to find out if it works, and I probably didn't choose a good time since New Year's Eve is a night for drinking, which I definitely won't be doing. But, again, if this works, it will absolutely be worth it. :)

I guess I don't have a lot else to report. Keri is officially engaged. Congrats to her! Joe did it right - roses, candles, mood music, the works! I'm actually looking forward to her telling me about it in person. I'm very excited for her.

So, now I'm going to bed. It's been a great day! Hope is on the horizon again. :)

I take it back... a little.

Well, Quinn came around and agreed to give the iPod to my niece. You know, I can guarantee she will use it a lot more than I ever would. It made my heart feel good to help Tim and my mom out. I know that they know they can't give a lot to her and that she got the shaft when it came to her mother, so I'm glad I could do something.

So, update on the baby front. Pretty much nothing. I had the X-ray that showed a possible fibroid on my uterus. So Sunday we had another appointment and had an Ultrasound that showed my follicle isn't growing as fast as they thought it would, so I'm going back in the morning. They took blood again. I don't really know why they are checking my progesterone levels again, but they are. I don't see an end in sight. I just keep praying that God will bless me with a pregnancy before we get to the point of IVF.

I wish I had more to share, but I really don't know what is happening. I hope to have more information tomorrow.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!

Okay, I have to let it out. It pisses me off that Quinn is so selfish. Who raises their child this way? We have a 4GB iPod Nano that *I* received as a gift from my company for MY hard work all year. I don't need it. I have an iPhone. Quinn has 40 mp3 players, so he doesn't need it either. We're getting him an iPhone as soon as we get together enough money. My niece, Katarina, who I don't really know well at all because of the problems my brother and I have with each other, only asked for that one thing for Christmas. I have one. It makes sense that we give it to her. But, when I approach Quinn about it, I get (deep sigh from him) "Let me think about it." Seriously?!?!?!? It's been sitting unopened in my house for 2 weeks now! Totally forgotten, I bet, until I mentioned it. What's wrong with this picture? I really need family. I substituted my own with Quinn's when he and I started dating, but then his family drifted off (death, remarriage, one side reacquainting with family that's not Quinn's) and now we have no one. We are spending Christmas alone with no decorations, no meal, nothing. If I didn't have the day off of work, I wouldn't know it was a holiday. This bites big balls. I'm really sad right now. There's no end in sight for the having the baby work. I feel like I'm not a part of my family for whatever reasons and it's not fair. I've done everything a person is supposed to do. I never gave my mom grief. I give her money when I can. I take her out for meals. I listen to her blather on about her boys and their kids. I can't help that I'm defective and can't have children. The only thing I have that I can give is what I've got. I have to spend more time with them. I need to have family. What happens down the road, when there are no children, when my mom is gone and I outlive Quinn? If I don't make the effort now with my family I'll have no one. And, my biggest fear of dying alone will come true. However, if I just give a little here and there (and what I'm asking doesn't strain us in any way), then I'm making a foundation for the future. Why can't Quinn understand that, although they are extremely dysfunctional, this is my family and it's all I've ever loved in that sense. I have great friends, but they are all spending the holidays with their own families.

Okay, I guess I'm upset about a lot of things, but this was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I have to go now.

Joy and Sorrow

So it's been a little while since I blogged. I took an amazing vacation November 15 - 26! Quinn and I explored a little bit of Baltimore, we cruised the Eastern Caribbean (San Juan, Puerto Rico; St. Thomas; Samana, Dominican Republic; Labadee, Haiti) and finished up with a day in Washington, DC and the surrounding area. I have pictures, but I don't have them hosted anywhere so I can't share them. :) Yet.

There's still no progress on the baby front. I've been on birth control for the past month per doctor's orders. Once my cycle begins, I am supposed to call in for an appointment. I'm not sure what will happen at that appointment, but it might be the X-Ray he's been talking about for a while. Hopefully it will help. The timing would be perfect if we could get pregnant soon. I have Spring semester that will be crazy, then I'll just have one class over the Summer and I'll be done with school. Which would be great timing! :) Maybe God just wanted me to be done with school before having a baby.

So Friday night was our Christmas party. And, as always, it was a terrific time and this year I was very fortunate! I was voted as a Spirit of Express winner. Big deal to me, if no one else! I started shaking and crying once I realized that Linda Sasser was talking about me, so I didn't really know what was being said. I got some really good compliments, which felt really heartfelt. For instance, Trey Simonton, one of my cube mates congratulated me and said that it was two years overdue. He said that some of the things that were said weren't part of his nomination so it seems like I was nominated by more than one person. That was just awesome to hear! Then Bob Fellinger, the Executive Vice President of Sales, stopped me briefly to say that he was really glad I won because I really am what the award is all about. :) There were more, but I have already taken too much time from Quinn. So, I'm going to go right now. I'll type more later.