It's my birthday!

So today is my 32nd birthday. I am in a self-destructive mode and I don't know why. Even now I've made the decision to blog rather than read and study for my test that I'll be taking on Tuesday night. And of course I have no time on Monday to study, so I appear to be putting it off until Tuesday at lunch and/or right before class. Quinn is right - I'm a worse procrastinator than him! :)

So it seems like I am slowly weeding out my best friends one by one. I've alienated myself from Tiffany by mentioning I think she was a little slutty in Vegas. Which, all signs pointed to it. I guess I'm being a little judgmental in my 32nd year. Actually, I guess this is my 33rd year, since you live your first year before you hit one. At any rate, I know too many women who have struggled to find a good marriage and she has one and is doing everything she can to destroy it. I'm closing off from Keri because I'm tired of her double standards. This isn't the place for revealing her secrets, but there was a choice she made repeatedly in the past and is now condemning another person for doing a much lesser version of this choice.

The worst thing of all is that if you know me at all, you know that my birthday is the most important day of the year to me. It's the only day I feel like I should be taken care of. The only day that I refuse to put others' needs and wants in front of my own. The only day I get selfish about what I do all day. Okay, I'm not a saint. There are other days where I act selfishly. I often forget to think of others first. But, my birthday is mine. So, the worst thing? She wrote me a long email about how wrong I am for defending another individual's actions...on my birthday! You know, there are other days she could have sent it. A few hours earlier, twenty or so hours later - whatever, just not on my birthday. I'm pissed off. Even Tiffany knew better than choosing today to be the day she justifiably brought up my Vegas behavior. How dare Keri ruin MY day?

Oh well, it's a trivial thing that I'm focusing on rather than dealing with the real issue that's digging into my heart. Quinn's physically fine. His semen is healthy. Me, on the other hand, I have the problem. My follicle's don't want to grow. I have too much male hormone in my body. I don't have PCOS, as the doctor thought, so I'm at this ridiculous spot where my doctor has no clue what is really wrong with me. How can you fix what you can't diagnose?

Blah. It's my birthday. I'm supposed to be freakin' happy! Whatever happened to that?